I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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