Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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