I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
