Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize