Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
