I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
