Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
