she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize