i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
