My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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