Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
