I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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