he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
