so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
