You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
