You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
