I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
