I think I died a long time ago.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
