My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your cock deserves a montage
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
