Apparently you make a good broom.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
