this beer tastes like vomit already
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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