I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
