What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
