someone threw a dead crab at me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
