ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
