Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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