Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She told me I should be a condom model.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
