The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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