We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
