What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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