Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
