I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
