God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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