She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
