At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
