Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
