Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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