its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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