I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
