we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
