You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Randomize
