Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
