Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
