i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
