Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
