i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
