i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize