I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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