You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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