then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
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the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
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Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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