soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
