So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
