He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
