The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
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It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
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day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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