Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
