Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
