My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Non-Jews are for practice
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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