I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
