you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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