u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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