I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He did a backflip because drugs
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
