Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
