Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
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You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
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No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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