It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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