Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I looked at my own cervix.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Randomize
