Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
