Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
