Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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