weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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